Why everything is your fault and why that's a good thing.
I'm turning 30 in about a week and a half. God-willing, I'm about a third of the way through and I've learned some things along the way. One of the most valuable lessons I've learned about three years ago is that everything that's 'happening' to you right now is absolutely your fault.
I've noticed that so few of us are willing to take responsibility for the events and situations that occur in our lives. We're so quick to blame other people and point out what they could have done "better". We're quick to blame the economy, the lack of 'opportunity', or a lack of time. I've even heard some people blame the weather.
It's time to take responsibility for every aspect of our lives and understand that every decision we've ever made have lead us to this exact spot.
So here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to call out some of the most common issues I come across, and hopefully change your perspective a little bit. Don't worry, I'm going to use some real-life examples from my own experiences, too because you'll never hear me preach on something I haven't practiced myself.
--Please note that I 100% understand that there are circumstances that one individual cannot control, and I empathize deeply with anyone who's going through something troubling that isn't in their control.--
Relationship problems. Totally your fault.
Do you have 99 problems and your significant other is all of them? Maybe. But when is the last time you took the time to understand how they felt appreciated and loved within the relationship? Have you clearly expressed your needs and expectations and worked on them together?
Let's take this one step further: do you have unrealistic expectations of your significant other and are starting to develop resentment because you simply cannot change how a human is and all you can actually do is either accept them and love them for it or just move on? Yeah. Maybe.
Look, I've been through my fair share of 'bad' relationships, but as I look back I realize that every fight and disappointment started with me. Either I had unrealistic expectations of someone, or I was unwilling to empathize with how they were actually feeling about a certain situation and it escalated.
You'd be surprised how much better your relationship gets when you consistently serve the person you care for. No, I'm not talking about flowers one time, or dealing with Monday Night Football one time, I'm talking about giving 100%, 100% of the time.
Problems at work? It's probably you.
Let's say that you're in some sort of management position and your team isn't performing well - showing up late, not making enough calls, missing deadlines, etc. etc. Well what about you? Are you showing up earlier than the rest of your team everyday? Have you set the correct expectations for your colleagues and taken the time to train them?
When is the last time you asked your team what you could do to to help them succeed? If you haven't received that promotion or raise then when is the last time you asked a manager or their manager an opportunity for more responsibilities? Does your performance in the last 6 months justify it? What can you do today to start on your career path?
I've been a coffeeshop manager, managed nursing assistants to care for my assigned patients, managed sales teams, and now I have 7twelve. There's one constant I found in all of those positions: every success I had was because of my team and every failure I had was because of my inability to lead effectively.
Money problems? That's all you.
I played poker for about 3 years professionally and I learned a very valuable lesson. What I learned was that the amount of money I ever had and any 'problems' I've had with it were in direct correlation with the quality of the decisions I made.
Whether it was making a disciplined fold or trying to bluff someone out of a pot I shouldn't have been in, it was all me. This concept can be applied to everyday life.
Maybe it's a lifestyle change you need to make temporarily. Maybe you could go to garage sales and flip some items for extra cash like Gary Vee's fans did. Maybe you need to set realistic expectations for someone you like to spoil in your life, or ask for that promotion, or close another deal. I don't really know what you have to do, and I'm not here to judge anyone. But what I do know is that you have to stop complaining, because money problems are definitely your fault.
The fix for everything: take responsibility.
No one is responsible for the outcome of your life but you. There's no girlfriend or husband, no boss or teammate, no president or influencer that has an impact on your life unless you allow them to do so.
Take the time to learn what you can do better either personally or professionally. Then take action - because every book you've ever read, YouTube video you've ever watched, or meme you've ever shared is worthless unless you back it up with your actions.
The good news is that since everything is "your fault", your outcomes are completely up to you. That's daunting for some, but a revelation for others. The more responsibility you take for your life the more you'll see the results you want out of it.
I could legitimately rant on this subject for hours, but I'll spare you. Just remember, the next time you're faced with a problem to ask yourself: "What could I have done better in the past, do in this moment, or do in the future to make this situation better than it is now".
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